the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
