How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
