I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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