yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
