I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
