Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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