I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
