So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
