Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's the barista slut.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
