i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
