My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
