someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
