Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
