More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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