hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
