All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
