my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
