The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
