the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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