So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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