You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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