Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
