...so i touched it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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