I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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