i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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