how can u be prego again
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
