He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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