how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
