Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
