Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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