Porn is love you can see.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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