i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
two words...techno handjob
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
