Pappa wants mamma naked
I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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