Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Where is the hickey?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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