I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
