Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
50% drunk capacity currently
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
