The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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