Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
