Please, let me fuck your mom
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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