is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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