I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
