Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
