On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
