i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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