i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
