curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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