in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
