that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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