dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
