if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
