Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
