Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
