and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sext me about skeletons
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize