We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
