a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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