I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
a search helicopter?!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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