i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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