I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
