I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
