Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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