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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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