We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
