He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
