Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
