If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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