just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
