I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
