Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
