your parents love me but you hate me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
