i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
