You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
