What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
