I'm going to jail i love you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
